Never entirely sure how they’d act or react, you might have found yourself constantly on high alert, ready to respond accordingly and protect yourself. Growing up with a parent who has AUD can create an environment of unpredictability, fear, confusion, and distress, says Peifer. These conditions can take a toll on your sense of safety, which may then affect the way you communicate with and relate to others. Yet while your parent didn’t choose to have AUD, their alcohol use can still affect you, particularly if they never get support or treatment.
The statistics provided by multiple sources further break this down to about 76 million adults in the country who have lived or are currently living with a family history of alcoholism. Children of parents who misuse alcohol are at higher risk for anxiety, depression, and unexplained physical symptoms (internalizing behaviors). They are also more likely to display rule-breaking, aggressiveness, and impulsivity (externalizing behaviors) in childhood. Alcoholic parents (now referred to as parents with alcohol use disorder or AUD) affect their children in many ways, some so profound that the kids never outgrow them. Here’s a look at the psychological, emotional, interpersonal, and behavioral effects of being raised by parents who are struggling with alcohol use.
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In addition to judging themselves too harshly, some adult children of people with AUD constantly seek approval from others. They can become people-pleasers who are crushed if someone is not happy with clonidine withdrawal syndrome them and live in fear of any kind of criticism. Because alcohol use is normalized in families with alcoholism, children can often struggle to distinguish between good role models and bad ones.
- “Adult children of parents with AUD may find closeness with others somewhat uncomfortable given a deep-rooted fear that becoming connected to someone else means a significant risk of emotional pain,” says Peifer.
- Growing up with a parent who has an alcohol use disorder can change how an adult child interacts with others.
- If you have a drinking problem and are trying to stay sober, O’Gorman suggests attending Alcoholics Anonymous meetings as well.
- When you don’t learn how to regulate your emotions, you might find it more difficult to understand what you’re feeling and why, not to mention maintain control over your responses and reactions.
- Alcoholic parents (now referred to as parents with alcohol use disorder or AUD) affect their children in many ways, some so profound that the kids never outgrow them.
If your parent with AUD is willing to attend therapy with you, family therapy can often help rebuild trust and pave the way toward healing. This state of hypervigilance is a common symptom of both post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and anxiety disorders. If this was the case with your parent, you may have learned to pay attention to small, subtle signs at a young age.
Graduate School of Addiction Studies
They may be able to recommend the next steps, including referring you to a mental health professional if necessary. Experts recommend therapy and 12-step meetings for help coping with the effects of growing up with an alcoholic parent. “If we have learned as children to love someone with addiction, we will tend to unconsciously seek that out,” O’Gorman says. This is a huge lesson for many—for better or worse, addiction is outside of friends’ and family members’ control.
Couples therapy can also have benefit, according to White, if you believe behaviors rooted in your childhood experiences have started to affect your romantic relationship. When you don’t learn how to regulate your emotions, you might find it more difficult to understand what you’re feeling and why, not to mention maintain control over your responses and reactions. Difficulty expressing and regulating emotions can affect your overall well-being and contribute to challenges in your personal relationships.
Difficulties With Relationships
Our experts continually monitor the health and wellness space, and we update our articles when new information becomes available. Rebecca Strong is a Boston-based freelance writer covering health and wellness, fitness, food, lifestyle, and beauty. Her work has also appeared in Insider, Bustle, StyleCaster, Eat This Not That, AskMen, and Elite Daily. You might also end up spending a lot of time addressing the consequences of these actions.
Some adult children of parents with AUD take themselves very seriously, finding it extremely difficult to give themselves a break. If they had a tumultuous upbringing, they may have little self-worth and low self-esteem and can develop deep feelings of inadequacy. A 2012 study that considered 359 adult children of parents with AUD found baking soda to pass drug test that they tended to fall within five distinct personality subtypes. One of these types, termed Awkward/Inhibited by researchers, was characterized by feelings of inadequacy and powerlessness. Published “The Laundry List,” which describes common characteristics shared by most adult children with a parent with alcohol use disorder.
If your parent has AUD, you may be more likely to act without planning or considering potential consequences. This impulsivity may stem, in part, from witnessing a parent make decisions in a similar way.
Broken promises of the past tell them that trusting someone will backfire on them in the future. You’re not to blame if you learned to use alcohol as a means of dealing with trauma from your childhood, but you can always take action to learn new, boosting drug delivery to beat cancer more helpful coping mechanisms. “Adult children of parents with AUD may find closeness with others somewhat uncomfortable given a deep-rooted fear that becoming connected to someone else means a significant risk of emotional pain,” says Peifer.
Consequently, you might become more sensitive to criticism and rejection and have a harder time standing up for yourself. Conversely, Peifer notes that some children who grow up in these environments may become more attention-seeking in order to fulfill the needs their parents couldn’t meet. They might eventually form unstable or unhealthy attachments to others, partially because these bonds feel familiar. For example, if you couldn’t depend on your parent to feed you breakfast or take you to school in the morning, you may have become self-reliant early on. As a result, Peifer says you could have difficulty accepting love, nurturing, and care from partners, friends, or others later in life. Studies show that children affected by parental drinking may develop serious problems in adulthood.
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Adult children of alcoholics often have depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, and feelings of shame. She notes the children of alcoholics also have trouble allowing themselves to be vulnerable and open in relationships. Parents’ use of alcohol and teens’ lower performance in school have shown an association in research. This could be related in part to the behavior issues among children of parents with an AUD. The adult child of an emotionally or physically unavailable parent can develop a debilitating fear of abandonment and hold on to toxic relationships because they fear being alone.
Coping with the lasting effects of a parent’s alcohol use can be difficult, but you don’t have to do it alone. Children largely rely on their parents for guidance learning how to identify, express, and regulate emotions. But a parent with AUD may not have been able to offer the support you needed here, perhaps in part because they experienced emotional dysregulation themselves. All of these behaviors can make it more difficult to form healthy, satisfying relationships.
Adult Children of Alcoholics: Healing from the Childhood Trauma of Addiction
Learn more about the effects of alcoholism on children, and what happens to children of alcoholic parents. Once these two aspects of self—the inner parent and child—begin to work together, a person can discover a new wholeness within. The adult child in recovery can observe and respond to the conflict, emptiness and loneliness that stem from a parent’s substance abuse, and they can mourn the unchangeable past. They can own their truth, grieve their losses and become accountable for how they live their life today. Unfortunately, and for obvious reasons, children often don’t have access to these support groups while they’re still young.
Psychotherapy may help you understand the impact your parents’ alcoholism has had on you and the choices you are making. Look for a licensed mental health professional with experience working with adult children of alcoholics or with addressing trauma. Children of alcoholics will eventually grow up to become adults, but the trauma can linger for years. Adult children of alcoholics may feel the fear, anxiety, anger and self-hatred that lives on from their childhood. They might notice the old coping mechanisms and behaviors leaking out in adulthood—the people-pleasing, controlling behavior, approval-seeking, or judgment of self and others. Eventually and with the help of others, adult children will come to view alcoholism and other drug addiction as a disease and family dysfunction as the inevitable result.
